From My Perspective: The Meaning of Friendship

It’s said that if you have one good friend, you have been blessed.

I’ve been blessed with very good friends, and some not-so-great friends throughout my life. I’ve learned lessons from both and I’m grateful. I’ve unfortunately had to learn the same lesson from those not-so-great friends on repeated occasion. And, sometimes, it’s been my really close friends who point it out and help me through some of those repeatedly difficult lessons to learn.

As most of you who know me know, I’m a pretty trusting soul by nature. I like to believe in the best in people, so I find my soul often trampled on by those who take advantage of souls like mine. That’s okay though, because there are more trusting souls like mine who see the good in people in my circle of friends than the latter.

When I think about the good friends in my circle this, in my eyes, is what a really good friend is: they are the people who know everything about you and choose to be your friend and stand with you anyway; they are the ones you can call in the middle of the night when something in your life goes horribly wrong; they are the ones you reach out to when you have the best news to share, and they are genuinely happy for you when you do.

It’s also said, in order to have a good friend, you need to be a good friend.

Friendship, then, really is a two-way-street. One of my closest friends and I were chatting recently. I’ve been dealing with some emotional things over the last month or so. August, in general, is now one of the most difficult months for me, and the month or so leading up to it isn’t much better. Anyhow, this individual knows that, and we have shared some pretty good heart-to-hearts over the last several months. They with some family stuff, and me with some of my emotional stuff. I mentioned to them how much I appreciate their insight but felt recently I may have been leaning too much and that I didn’t want to be “that person” or friend who just complains and whines all the time. I don’t want to be the person who they see coming and think “Oh no, not again.” Their response was this. “We help each other through, and it’s not a burden. There are those who come to me to just complain because they know I’ll listen, but that’s all they ever do. They don’t give back, and truly, they just want to complain to someone. Your troubles aren’t complaints and you give me the opportunity to share the troubles in my heart with you. It’s reciprocal.”

So I guess the best word for the two-way-street of friendship is the word reciprocal. This friend’s wisdom and insight have been so beneficial, so healing, so thoughtful, and I hope I’ve been able to reciprocate and be that friend to them as well. I’d like to think I have and I believe if I hadn’t been, that we’re close enough they would tell me.

I had another very recent encounter with a person I consider a very good friend, well, two actually. First, they received some unexpected news about a matter that’s been going on for over two years. I happened to be there when they received this news and my heart, as feeling as it is, shattered for them. That’s a part of friendship too, I think. Feeling for or what friends are feeling. I know, without a doubt this news devastated them. I also know what a strong person they are and that, as they need to, they’ll talk to me about this, and I’ll be there for them.

The second encounter with this particular friend was me, reaching out in the middle of the night because when things are not quite right in my life, I don’t sleep. Now, before you think of me as an inconsiderate friend for texting in the middle of the night, I know this person has their phone shut off at night, so it’s not something that would disturb them, but something they would see in the morning when they woke up. It wasn’t an emergency, it was just something I knew they needed to know. To my complete amazement, I received a text back because they apparently couldn’t sleep that night either. The message: “Shut your brain off and get some sleep. Breathe.” That’s what good friends do. They remind you with kind words to take care of yourself. Those words in that simple text brought tears to my eyes and reminded me exactly how blessed I am to have such amazing friends in my life. I’m fortunate to have not one, not two, but three very close friends here in Lincoln. They know who they are, and this is me saying thank you to all of them.

I hope you, too, are fortunate enough to have close friends in your lives. I hope you have those people who lift you up, are there for you and who you share things with. If you don’t, I invite you to look inside yourself and see what kind of a friend you are or have been. Remember, it’s reciprocal. In order to have good friends, one must be a good friend.

Simply put, friends are there when you need them, and sometimes, even when you think you don’t. And thank goodness for that – and them.