We are Family

We all have a family. Some we are born into, and others we find along the way.

Sometimes the family we’re born into isn’t the family we spend the most of our time with. For some, the family we choose to spend time with are those people who make us feel the most at home, the most comfortable, the most accepted. I like to refer to these people as my tribe, and they tend to be the people who show the most love and support and who I feel I can confide in and trust.

The definition of family, according to the dictionary is ‘a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit; a group of people who come from the same ancestor; a group of people living together; a group of things sharing certain characteristics; or a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation.’ While the definition of a tribe is ‘a social group composed chiefly of numerous families, clans or generations having a shared ancestry and language; a group of persons having a common character, occupation, or interest; or a category of taxonomic classification ranking below a subfamily.’

I feel like Lincoln, itself, is a family in a way, derived of many different people, from varying backgrounds, professions, lifestyles, and places. Lately, I feel like we’ve had an influx of people into our family, a lot of them, people we haven’t even met yet.

Some people have work families, others have bar families, while other’s share an affiliation in the clubs and organizations they belong to. In my opinion, they are all families. When you’re going through something, good or bad, sometimes those families we choose end up being the ones we turn to most, and often more than our own blood relations.

Why? I think it’s because sometimes our own blood families are so critical, or they don’t understand the situation the way those we spend a lot of our time with do. There’s a hierarchy in our blood families and expectations that have been established, sometimes for many years, of how things are supposed to be. Our chosen families may or may not have those expectations, and people we choose to have in our lives on a daily basis are sometimes not nearly as critical.

I’ve noticed a group of men, who have gathered together in a bar for years, help one another through grief, celebrate birthdays and other accomplishments, and share a camaraderie I’ve not experienced before. They even refer to themselves as brothers. At the same time, I’ve seen people within our community join forces in varying levels to create safe places for our children, our seniors, those who like specific arts, crafts, books and so on, which has created yet another extension of a family.

Often, the family we choose are often in close proximity to us. I love my family, but we’re all so spread out. My kids are in Pennsylvania, my mom and step-dad, in California, my brother and his family in Nevada, and my step-mom in North Carolina. It’s what people do these days; they move, go to places that interest them, and end up being spread out from those they love. We talk on the phone, but it’s not the same as having them close by.

When I got married and moved to Pennsylvania in the 90’s, I saw a different side of families. My in-laws lived within six blocks of us, our kids spent lots of time with their grandparents, and extended family had get-togethers often.

When we moved to the Pocono Mountains, my in-laws purchased a cabin within 20 minutes of our home so they could still spend time with their grandkids on the weekends, start their move out of the city and prepare for their retirement. My kids still visit their grandparents at that cabin often and also spend lots of time with their uncle and his family.

Back in the day, families stayed in the same towns. They often worked together, farmed together, and built communities for themselves and other families. I often wonder what the world would be like today if true blood families did more of that now, but that’s a topic for another time.

Whether your family consists more of people who are not actually related to you, or it’s more like the traditional family definition, I hope you have those people in your life who help you feel like you matter, like you’re part of something greater than just yourself, and who help you feel like you belong to a group that calls you family. Because in the end, family is what matters most.