Love one another

Next week, we’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day with all the mushy cards, candy, flowers, and more. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those things, it just seems to me that rather than having a specific day to show those important to us that we love them, it’s really something that should be shown to those we love every day of the year.

Like my last column, where I expressed that we should or could be celebrating everything, big and small alike, we could be showing our friends, family, loved ones and even complete strangers that love isn’t reserved for just this one day. Part of that is because love comes in many forms. It comes in the way of telling people we love them. It comes in the form of giving of our time, doing something to help someone out, or offering a hug, just because.

I read a book years ago when I was trying to figure out how to save my marriage. While the marriage didn’t last, and probably should have never should have even begun, the book and its principles have never left me. The book is called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and in my opinion should be read by everyone.

Not only is it for the love between two people, be it husband and wife, dating couple, same sex couples and so on, it’s also a really good tool to help you show everyone in your life, including parents, children, co-workers and more how you love them in a language they understand.

The five love languages described in the book are: Words of Affirmation; Gifts; Acts of Service; Quality Time; and Physical Touch. The premise of the book is that everyone has their own love language. That is, the language in which they FEEL loved. Your love language may or may not be the same as mine, but understanding the different ones can be a tool to effectively communicate with those you do love in a way they understand it. So many times we’re trying to express our love in our own love language, and it doesn’t always work or even feel to the other person or people that they are loved.

One of the quotes from in the book says, “If we want to be loved, and all of us do, then the first step is to express love to others.” I can’t even begin to explain how much this quote means to me, and how much I refer to it in my life on a daily basis.

I have a friend who, when I see them, likes to sit and talk, sometimes for very long periods of time. The conversations are slow, but meaningful. When my schedule gets insane, as it often does, my time to spend with this friend becomes very limited, and when I don’t have the time to spend with them they feel like I don’t love them or that I’m not a very good friend. I understand this about them now, because I understand that their particular love language is quality time.

I know that my love languages, words of affirmation and acts of service are the best way to make me feel loved, cared for and appreciated. In a world that is always telling us to show our love by giving expensive gifts or spending money on various things, it’s nice to know we can show those around us how much we love them just by understanding the way they feel loved.

Sometimes, it’s hard to determine the love language of someone close to us, especially if we haven’t paid attention to it or them before, but if we start paying attention now, imagine the difference it could make.

So rather than reserve just one day to tell those important to us that we love them, let’s try to do better and make love an everyday occurrence. The world has enough hate and separation. What it needs more of is love and compassion for one another - ourselves included.

In this day and age, what can you do more of to show those in and around your lives that you love them and care for them? In taking the time to do so, we can make every day more like Valentine’s Day, and a world full of more love, less hate and closer relationships with everyone in our lives.