From my Perspective: Living up to Expectations

Let’s face it, we’re always trying to live up to someone’s expectations. Some of those expectations are our own, some of them are from others and still other expectations are those imposed by the society in which we live. There are expectations that are realistic, those that are not and those that fall somewhere in-between.

If you think about it, we’ve been trying to live up to someone’s expectations, somewhere, since we were very young. Some of us even try to live up to them until the day we die.

There are the expectations which have caused us to live lives that are less than what we want, and yet others which have caused us to pursue things we’ve wanted to for a long time. Expectations are a funny thing. Some are stereotypical, some realistic, others completely unrealistic and out of this world.

Expectations aren’t a bad thing, but often the ones imposed on us by others don’t fit the ones we have for ourselves and yet we find ourselves doing our best to live up to them anyway.

I’ve been expected to do and be lots of things throughout my life. When I was young, I was expected to behave, follow rules, attend school, maintain good grades, keep my room clean and perform routine household chores. When I played sports, I was expected to show up, be on time for games and regularly attend practice. When I took music lessons, I was expected to practice and participate in recitals and concerts. When I acquired animals for 4H and FFA, I was expected to take care of them.

As I got older, many of my childhood expectations carried on and other expectations were added. I was expected to get a job, keep that job, be responsible and take care of my own bills and expenses. I was expected to get along well with others, and somewhere along the line, I felt those expectations made me a people-pleaser.

Now I’ve realized that I don’t just want to be what people expect me to be anymore. I’d like people to like me, but the reality is not everyone will. That same reality also applies to how I feel about people. I don’t have to like everyone. That doesn’t mean I need to go around bad-mouthing them, but it also doesn’t mean I need to subject myself to them anymore.

It all makes me wonder though: what would happen if we left all those expectations at the door and instead realized we’re just enough the way we are. It also makes me think that sometimes we need to step away from other people’s expectations and start doing what’s best for ourselves. What that means for you is likely different than what means for me.

Doing what’s best for ourselves may involve saying ‘no’ more and ‘yes’ less, or vice-versa. It may mean walking away from a relationship you know isn’t going anywhere, or one that isn’t good for you. That relationship may be with a friend, your family or significant other. It could be leaving a job, finding a new one or starting your own business. It could even be moving to an entirely different place or deciding to stay exactly where you are.

It could mean making yourself more “unavailable” to the people who expect you to be available 24/7, and showing up for yourself and your expectations instead.

What I do know for myself is this: I’m done living up to the expectations others have for me. Instead, I’m going to live up to the expectations I now have for myself. My actions will likely not please some of the people in my life, and that’s okay. My actions and expectations might disappoint some and garner applause from others, but neither will matter to me.

From my perspective, if more of us developed our own, healthy expectations for ourselves, we wouldn’t need the expectations of others, nor would we feel compelled to live up to them.